Under the Tuscan Sun
by way2beme
Summary: Based on the movie :Under the Tuscan Sun". When Serena's husband divorces her she travels to Tuscany and finds more than she bargained for. PG-13 for future chapters.
1. Divorce, Champagne and Tuscany

Hey everybody! This is going to be my version of Under the Tuscan Sun with the Sailor Moon characters. I might have to change the gender of some characters of the movie because Sailor Moon is lacking in male characters. But, don't worry, its only if I have too. Well, here we go!

* * *

"Before I start signing these books, I need to thank somebody, when I had her at state....wait, that didn't sound right, I mean when I took her class at state I had the worst ideas in the world, it was like writers block had taken over me. I was just about to quit her class when she told me something that really made a difference. She said to take one of my terrible ideas and work on it- so I did. Serena Tsukino- who loves terrible ideas. May I _please_ French kiss you now?" That was Melvin. He had finished the work on his book Trisha's Fields and was holding a book signing. Serena had taught a writers workshop and he had been one of her students.

"Married Melvin, sorry." replied Serena, holding up her hand to reveal a wedding ring. Melvin hopped off of the table he'd been standing on and ran down to Serena where he gave her a hug.

"Proud of me?" he asked.

"Ridiculously."

o0o0o0o0o0o0o0o0o0o

Serena and Michelle were hanging out at the reception of the signing and her friend Jadeite was following her asking "What did you do to these brownies? They're fantastic."

"Chocolate is...timeless my friend. The rest is magic." She said magic with a hint of playfulness in her voice.

"Andrew is one lucky guy- a literary wife who makes brownies? I swear if you tell me you cook in the nude I'll kill myself."

"Never in the nude, always in a thong." Serena joked. A man carrying a plate of champagne glasses walked past them and Serena grabbed to glasses- one for her and one for Michelle.

"Actually, if you knew Serena better, you'd know that these brownies are a sign of avoidance." Said Michelle.

"Thanks." Serena said sarcastically.

"You're welcome."

"So how's your novel going?" asked Jadeite.

Serena sighed. "Not so well, but the procrastination is going along fabulously. And soon it will breed abject self loathing and then I'll just become a writing machine."

"It's her process." Quipped Michelle.

"What about Andrew?" asked a voice from behind. Serena whirled around to find herself face-to-face with someone she didn't actually know. "How's his book coming along?"

"Fine," replied Serena matter-of-factly. How dare he ask about her personal life? Her husband's book was not his concern. "He's home writing. Right now. This minute....you know Andrew?"

"I met him....recently, by coincidence. The _other_ coincidence is that you reviewed a book of mine."

"I did? Did I like it?" At this point Michelle and Jadeite were simply listening.

"No, you didn't."

"Oh, well, I'm sorry. I'm sure there were tons of other critics who absolutely loved it. I really, really hope you didn't take it personally."

He snorted. "You called my lead character unrealistic."

Serena stamped her foot playfully. "I think that bad reviews should just be forgotten."

Michelle leaned over and whispered into her ear. "Give him a brownie." and stuck the treat into her hand.

"And," Serena started again "I would like to give you this brownie as a peace token."

The man ignored her offering started again with more of an ironic tone to his voice. "You just couldn't get interested in a book where the lead character was a middle-aged man who spent his life living his horny teenage fantasies. I just...I just find that ironic."

Serena was confused. Ironic? "Uh, Ironic? Why?"

He gave her a devious look. "Ask your husband."

He walked off only turning back to give her an evil satisfied grin then turned back to his destination. Serena looked after him with a shocked look to her face. She looked at Michelle who still stared after the man who hadn't even introduced himself. Michelle looked back at her. Serena felt a pain in her chest.

"What did he just say?" Both girls plus Jadeite quickly flicked they're eyes back at the stranger, but he was gone.

o0o0o0o0o0o0o0o0o0o0o0o0o

"Serena? Serena?" Serena snapped her attention back to her lawyer who was glancing over some papers. "I have some bad news. Um, I just got of the, uh, phone with your, uh, husbands attorney and, uh, they're going to pursue alimony."

Serena looked dumbstruck. "Huh? Um, h-how can we be talking about alimony when I hardly make enough money to, uh-"

"But you supported him during the marriage."

"Yes, but when he was pretending to be writing and researching his book I- I worked while he pretended to be."

"Unfortunately, this is just about the math."

"Well, he was having an affair."

"Yes, but sadly, California is a no fault state." Serena only nodded. "His attorney indicated that he would prefer alimony. He, uh, said that since you and your husband were living rather modestly, I don't think the number should be too bad. They're probably talking about something like, uh, two hundred thousand dollars."

Serena gasped at the same time she gave a nervous laugh. "I don't ha- I don't have that kind of money."

"Unfortunately, you do." Serena gave him a confused look, but then quickly came to a realization.

"The house," she said.

"It's, uh, value went, uh, through the roof since you bought it."

"Oh....and renovated it with my _mothers_ money."

"Now it's all, uh, it's all community property now."

Serena looked like she was about to cry. Why? Why was this happening to her? She looked at her attorney after sniffing for a few moments. "So I, lose the house. And alimony."

"Well, there's leeway in the numbers and we'll make most of the arrangements we can, but there IS a bargaining chip, he wants the house."

"He wants the house? He wants to keep living there?"

"Yes, and if you let him have it, you could, well you could end up with quite a bit of money in the bank. I understand he wants it pretty badly."

"Oh.......I'm sorry this is so surreal. How- how would he even be able to find the money to be able to buy my house away?" Her lawyer just fumbled with his glasses a bit. Serena became to a terrible realization. The woman he was having an affair with.... "Oh, wow."

"It turns out she really likes it. It's near all the right schools."

"Schools. She's-she's...." Serena let out a large breath. The woman was pregnant. Serena felt her world come crashing down.

"You're-you're going to get over this. You will. It just takes time. I promise that someday you're going to be happy again."

"Hmm. Hmm, right." She said not believing a word of it.

o0o0o0o0o0o0o0o0o0o0o0o0o0o0o

The next day Serena had some movers come over and pack up what she wanted to take with her. She had her hands on her checks as they asked her what she wanted packed up.

"The desk?" said the head mover.

"Yes, the desk goes. No, no the desk can stay."

"Okay, what about the couch." He pointed his pen at the black and white couch. Serena thought for a moment.

"Yes please."

The head mover said some things the others in what sounded like Spanish. Each one grabbed bubble wrap and started to wrap it up. Serena watched them for a moment before changing her mind.

"Wait a minute, uh, no. The couch can stay too."

He called them off. "What about the chairs?" she shook her head.

"I think I'll have everything stay except those boxes off books by the stairs. That is, uh, if you don't mind." He asked her if she was sure and all she replied with was a nod.

"Then, we are done?" he asked.

"Yup, we're done. We're done." She replied before taking one last look at the room. "We're done."

Before leaving the house completely she grabbed a small blue glass vase and, after pouring all the water on the floor, stuck it in her pocket and left the house for good.

o0o0o0o0o0o0o0o0o0o0o0o0o0o

The landlord of her new short term apartment was a short man was a slight five o' clock shadow who wore a pair of Coke-bottle glasses that hid his face.

"So," he said "are you getting a divorce?"

Serena snorted. "It shows? Perfect."

The man pushed away some dividers to reveal a small kitchen and cooking area. "Well, with short term apartments that's all we get, honestly. Now, uh, your neighbor in 4B is an attorney and his divorce has been dragging on for several years. He's a nice guy though. He'll give free legal advice to the other tenants." A mans loud crying burst through the room. The landlord rolled his eyes. "If his crying ever gets on your nerves just bang on the wall and he'll almost automatically stop." He slammed his fist on the wall and an apology was heard followed by silence. "And, uh, the guy in the apartment above you is a doctor. He gives out the sleeping pills at night to whoever wants 'em. Now, uh, what do you do?"

"I'm a writer." Serena replied.

"So you can... help the others with they're suicide notes." He chuckled.

Serena snorted again. "Oh, you're one of those funny landlords."

The stout man shook his head. "No, not really. Well, good luck." And with that he dropped a pair of keys on the table, wished her a good stay, and left her in the small room. Serena slowly looked around the dreary apartment, sighed, and collapsed on the floor. She gave the room a final look before falling asleep. "Home."

o0o0o0o0o0o0o0o0o0o0o0o0o

Later that week, after she had settled down she had received a call from Michelle who asked her to have dinner with her and her girlfriend Amara. Serena considered the fact she needed to get away from the four walls of her apartment and agreed. When she entered the door Michelle greeted her and told her to cover her eyes. After she had found her seat Michelle instructed her to uncover her eyes only to reveal a delicious chocolate cake with the word Freedom written in white on the brown icing.

"Ta-da!" exclaimed Michelle. "If you start a marriage with champagne and cake you should finish it that way too. The beginning and the end should be fun fun fun."

Serena smiled. "Yeah, too bad about those pesky years in the middle."

"Sorry I'm late." Said Amara as she walked up to them. "Things got kinda crazy at the hospital." she turned to Michelle. "Hi."

"Hey," said Michelle. The two gave each other a quick kiss. "You made it in time for the toast. I thought you weren't going to be here." She held up her glass. "To freedom."

"To freedom."

"To freedom."

The glasses clinked and Amara and Serena both took a swig where Michelle however set her glass down and waited for Serena to notice.

Serena noticed. "You're not drinking. You're not drinking."

"Fifth time was a charm!" grinned Amara.

"Oh my God! Michelle! When are you due?" cried Serena.

"May." smiled Michelle.

Serena stood up and raised her glass. "I'm going to be an auntie! I, am going to be, an auntie." Miscellaneous people applauded while Amara and Michelle blushed.

"That changes our plans a little bit," said Michelle after Serena had sat back down. "We were going to take a ten day tour of romantic Tuscany, but Amara doesn't want me flying during the first trimester."

"Small sacrifice," stated Serena.

"So," continued Michelle "we decided to change our coach tickets into an upgraded ticket for you."

"Oh....this is amazing, really generous, but no."

"How can you say no to Tuscany?" asked Amara.

"No: like that."

Michelle rolled her eyes. "That's you depression talking."

"Well, it doesn't speak Italian, it speaks a little high school French.... Besides I'm not ready to meet anyone yet."

"Oh, you won't." said Amara. Serena looked confused.

"It's a gay tour of romantic Tuscany. So, it would be very relaxing for you. Mostly couples, no one to hit on you, or check you out. You could just relax and focus on your novel," explained Michelle.

"I can't I have all those books to review!"

"Instead of working on your own book." said Michelle.

"Wow. Are you trying to be mean or just hormonal?"

At that moment Amara's beeper went off. "Okay, that's the hospital. Don't kill each other until I get back." Amara said as she left the table.

"Can we just talk about the baby?" asked Serena.

"I think you're in danger," said Michelle.

"Of what?"

"Of never recovering. You know when you come across one of those empty shell people? Ad you're like what the hack happened to you? Well there came a time in each one of those lives where they were standing a crossroads."

"Crossroads. Ugh, that is so Oprah."

"Someplace where they had to decide whether to turn left or right. This is no time to be a chicken Serena!"

"I'm not being a chicken Michelle! I'm not."

"Okay, okay. Just... promise me you'll think about it."

"Fine, I'll think about it. I will. I'll think about it."

o0o0o0o0o0o0o0o0o0o0o0o0o0o0o

Serena sat at her desk staring down a piece of paper trying to work on her story. She heard the lawyer start his crying again. "He-e-e-y!" she cried.

"Sorry!" he said through the wall.

"S'okay!"

"You want to come over?"

"No!" the crying started again. "Maybe later!" Moments later she realized what she had said. She buried her hands in her face. "Ugh, maybe later?" She rose out of her chair and grabbed the phone. Serena dialed Michelle's number and, after a few moments, heard her pick up. "Michelle? When do I leave?"

* * *

So ends the first chapter of Under the Tuscan Sun. In the original Japanese version of the anime and the manga Amara and Michelle are gay, just so you know. R&R Please!


	2. Postcards, Bramasole, and the Blonde

Serena's plane touched down in the early afternoon. She looked out her window as they landed and decided that Italy was most definitely the prettiest country she'd ever seen. The tour bus was white with multi-colored Dalmatian spots. It appeared to her that it was going to be a very gay tour.

* * *

"Hi everybody! I'm David," said the tour guide. "And this is your driver Eduardo and you are 'Gay and Away'." He held up a hat that read Gay and Away. Everyone clapped and cheered except Serena who laughed and covered her ears. "Welcome to your first day of a romantic tour of Tuscany. Now I saw most of you getting to know each other on the plane but I want you all to meet Serena. Now, Serena is straight." A lot of "aw"s were heard from the female passengers. "And she just survived a terrible divorce and according to her friend Michelle she really needs our support right now, so Serena, stand up!"

Even with her resistance she was still forced from her seat where people cheered for her. It was the first time in a while she felt like her world wasn't about to crash and burn. For once, she felt relaxed.

* * *

They were serving wine on the tour bus and as much as she hated drinking in the day time Serena had some. Thankfully, they soon stopped in a small market. Serena was browsing in the fruit and asked for a bundle of grapes. She looked around at the different people and her gaze settled on a blonde woman whose hair dangled down to her feet. Something about the woman was...inviting, it made Serena want to get to know her. She began to wonder who the woman was, where she was from, if she lived near by. The blonde rubbed a baby chick on her cheek, enjoying its soft texture. Serena's thoughts were interrupted by the peddler asking for her money to pay for the grapes. After paying she saw the blonde woman leave and she followed her. Serena kept her eyes on the back of the woman's head as she wove in and out of various Tuscans and tourists. She saw the blonde turn a corner and lost her after that.

Serena groaned wit frustration but was quickly adverted from her perplexion by someone to her left asking her "Pretty awesome isn't it?" She recognized the man as someone from the Gay and Away tour.

"Yes. I think you're right." She replied. "Pretty awesome."

"How am I going to get through al of these?" he asked fanning through and stack of postcards. "I mean, how can you even describe all of this?"

"Well, if you have a pen I could give it a shot."

"Are you a good writer?"

Serena thought a moment. "I used to be."

"Alright then." He handed her a pen and a postcard with a sunflower design. "To my mom."

"Dear Mom." Serena thought a moment then looked at her surroundings. She popped a grape she had bought into her mouth. Some nuns fighting over a cell and similar clichés gave some ideas. She began her letter.

Dear Mom,

It's market day in Cortona. The piazza is an on going party and everyone is invited. Clichés converge and you almost want to laugh, but you can't help feeling that these Italians know more about having fun than we do. I eat a hot grape from the market and the violet sweetness breaks open in my mouth. It even smells purple. I wish I could stay here longer but the bell reminds me of the time. Ding Dang Dong!, goes the bell instead of just Ding Dong! I wish you were here. Love......

Serena looked at the man. "Love..."

"Rodney."

"Rodney." She wrote it where she had left off. She handed him the pen and postcard and he read over the letter smiling. Suddenly his smile faded.

"It even smells like purple? My mom would never believe that I wrote this. Keep it." He shoved the card into her hand. "Tch. Ding dang dong goes the bell."

Serena stared after him. She shrugged. "I'm sorry." She called after him.

* * *

Serena walked through the streets of Cortona and found herself reading the description of a house for sale. She tried to pronounce the name out loud when someone behind her pronounced it for her.

"Bramasole.(Bramasolay)" Said the voice. Serena whirled around to find the blonde from earlier smiling at her. "From Bramare, Tiempo, and Sole the sun. It's a nice little villa, rather run down but redeemable. Are you going to buy it?"

"No. No, no, no, I'm just a tourist. Here for the day!"

"So?" asked the woman as she took another lick from her ice cream cone.

"Well, I mean, who wouldn't want to buy a villa Tuscany, but, uh, the way my life is going it would be a terrible idea."

The blonde gave a look of under standing. "Terrible idea." Then the blonde gave a childish smile. "Don't you just love those?"

It was all Serena could do but watch the blonde walk away. Then, spontaneously, she chuckled to herself.

* * *

Serena looked out the window of the bus. Somehow she had ended up sitting next to Rodney. She pulled the postcard out of her bag and reread it. It sounded fine to her, the description was interesting and she never lost her subject. She sighed and slid it back into the side pocket as she felt the bus pull to a stop. She looked out and saw a flock of sheep in the road.

"Sorry everybody! Unscheduled stop." Called David.

"Oh my God, sheep," emphasized Rodney as he started clicking pictures of the sheep. Serena gave him an odd look then settled back in her seat and looked out the window once more. The bus was parked outside a stone wall. There was a small sign on the wall with a carved picture of a house. Beneath it was the word "Bramasole" in blue paint. Serena felt the bus pull to a start. She jumped up in her seat.

"Stop the bus. Please stop the bus." She had decided to buy it right then and there. No one would stand in her way. Not this time. This time, she was following her own rules.


	3. Pigeons, Senior Martini, and the Contess...

Serena creaked open ivy covered gate and cautiously peered into the front yard of the house. She pulled herself through then worked on getting her suitcase through the narrow gate. After she had finally pulled it through she made her way to the front door. She took of her sunglasses and looked at the villa. She whistled. It was larger than she had expected. She opened the door and, leaving her suitcase on the porch, made her way down a hallway.

* * *

"Hello?" she called. "Hello? Anyone He-ow!" She looked down to see a faucet poking out of the wall. Rubbing her arm where she'd hit it she made her way through the house. Pigeons flapped loudly above her head making her gasp in surprise. She entered a room with only a fireplace, a chair, and a sofa in it. An old woman appeared from behind the couch. "Oh! Oh I'm sorry! Scusi! Scusi! (A/N: Scusi is Italian for Excuse me although I don't think it's spelled right. Oh well.)

"May I help you?" asked a masculine voice from behind.

Serena turned to see a man in his early forties smiling at her. He looked friendly. "Yes. I'm sorry I thought the house was for sale."

"No, no it is, but someone is already buying it. I am Senior Martini." Said the man.

A man and woman walked in then. The man had a German accent and said "We like it very much, we'll take it today."

"Very good. One moment. Please." Said Martini. He sat next to the old woman and explained to her someone wanted to buy it in Italian. The woman seemed upset, and said something to him also in Italian. Serena was tugging on a rope nearby, wondering what would happen if she pulled it...a bell rang.

"I'm sorry. I'm sorry." She said urgently.

"I'm afraid that there has been a change in the price," said Senior Martini. It is now 20 million lire more."

The couple looked ticked. Serena walked up to Senior Martini and asked the price.

"Wait, wait, we accept the new price," said the man of the couple. Senior Martini explained to the contessa(old woman) and she said it was double because of the interest in the house. The couple turned to Serena.

"You greedy Americans. You think you are so entitled. You ruin everything." Said the woman.

"A lot of us feel really badly about that," replied Serena.

"Come, we will look for something in Province," said the man, taking the woman by the arm and leading her out.

Serena turned to Martini. "Is it really double the price?" the elderly woman nodded. Serena looked disappointed. "I can't pay double the price, but I can pay you this." She took a calculator from Martini and typed in her offer. "Minus the work on the place, hammers, buckets, men to do the work, chocolate...and a rental car to drive off a cliff when this all turns out to have been a terrible mistake." She showed them the number. "That's what I can pay you."

"No, eh, no, no." said the contessa.

Martini looked at Serena "The contessa's family has lived here a very very long time. And, money isn't the only issue. She also needs-"

"Un Sieno de Deo (A/N: A sign from God.)."said the contessa.

"A sign," said Serena smiling. "I believe in signs too. Well, thank you." A bird flew overhead. Serena was suddenly hit with bird excrements. Senior Martini got up and helped her wipe it off.

"Un Sieno de Deo! Un Sieno de Deo!" cried the contessa.

"Believe it or not, in Italy, when just happened to you is very good sign." He said.

* * *

"First, we open an account for you. Then you transfer the money." Said a woman at the real estate office.

"Here is the legal description. Two oxen, two days. Its old fashioned, the land ism measured by how long it would take two oxen to plow it." Said Senior Martini.

"Oh, okay." said Serena, confused.

After all the forms had been filled Serena took the key to look around her new home.

* * *

Sorry for short chapters right now. I promise the next one will be longer.


	4. Contractors, Thuderstorms, and Renovatin...

Here's the longer chapter I promised. What Serena thinks will be in italics. Oh, and when I said Senior Martini, Senior was like Mister in Italian. Um, okay....yeah. Also, if you've never seen Under The Tuscan Sun, you should because it's hilarious.

* * *

_I have bought a house in a foreign country..._

Serena put the large brass skeleton key into the key hole. After throwing herself on the door a few times in finally gave way and let her in.

_...The house and the land it takes two oxen two days to plow. Not having a plow or an ox I'll have to take their word on that..._

Serena examined her house. There was a board missing from the ceiling in the kitchen. The faucet she had banged her arm on didn't work. She found empty wine bottles in the basement, a single grape on the grape trees, and a room full of newspapers.

_...Buyer's remorse is a common affliction among new home owners. Just because you have an acid stomach and a sudden urge to weep doesn't mean you have made a mistake. Everybody knows old houses have their quirks... especially three hundred year old houses. I have inherited ten thousand empty wine bottles, one grape, every issue of La Natcione printed in 1958, and assorted previous tenants..._

Serena took to dusting of the drapes. She saw what looked like a scorpion-like-beetle thing crawling up the wall. She grabbed a boot and smashed it then quickly pulled the boot away, tripped, and fell into the drapery. Another scorpion bug fell into the front of her shirt. She freaked out and jumped out onto the nearby balcony and pulled off the jean jacket she was wearing as she squealed. The jacket was followed by her tan tank top. She was left standing in her bra and jeans on the balcony as she searched her clothes for the bug that had so rudely assaulted her. She snapped her head up. She hadn't noticed the family standing on the road until one of the children started crying.

"Grr..." She stomped back into her house. Perfect way to settle in huh?

_...The trick to overcoming buyer's remorse in to have a plan: pick one room and make it yours..._

Serena chose the small sitting room. She moved a table in front of the window, and set some books, some postcards and various knick-knacks on it.

_...Go slowly through out the house, be polite, introduce yourself, as it introduces itself to you..._

She took a towel and wiped at a white painted circle on the bed frame in the upstairs bedroom. Slowly, a picture began to appear. She raised her eyebrows: the house never ran out of surprises. She continued to wipe a painting of the Virgin Mary began to appear. She smiled at the painting. Maybe this wasn't such a mistake after all.

* * *

"You did what?" cried Michelle. Serena had called her to tell her not to meet her plane home because she wouldn't be on it. Michelle turned to Amara. "Serena bought a house in Tuscany!" Michelle turned her attention back to Serena. "And you're going to live there? Alone?" 

Serena was calling from a pay phone outside because Bramasole didn't have a telephone. "Well I'm not there alone, I'm there with bugs," Serena joked. Actually, it wasn't really a joke, it was true.

"Ew," said Michelle.

"So how's the belly?"

"It's good, it's growing. Oh my God, I can't believe you did this," said Michelle. Serena chuckled on the other end of the line. "Did you already sign?"

"Yes. Why?" asked Serena. Michelle "uh"ed and "um"ed trying to think of why. "What? You think I shouldn't have? Are you telling me I made a mistake?"

"I don't know, did you?"

"Well, I don't know! I mean, you're the one who gave the whole crossroads speech!"

"Oh yeah, that **was **me," Michelle remembered. "Um, okay! Wow! So you bought a villa in Tuscany! So what's it like?"

"Um, well, it needs a little work."

"Well, who's gonna do it?"

"I am."

"You are?!? I guess I never realized you were so handy."

"I can do things you know. Remember I fixed that sink?"

"The sink in your kitchen? No, that was me."

"Yeah, but I handed you the rubber thingy."

"The plunger? That was **Andrew**!"

"I can't believe you. Why? Why did you say his name?"

"I'm sorry. I forgot. I'm sorry. Sorry."

Thunder rumbled overhead. "I can make this work, I mean, of course I'm not going to do all the work. I'm in Italy; I can call upon the Roman gods to do all the heavy lifting."

"You're right. Then, just supervise, tell them what to do. So, have you met him yet?"

The rain was beginning to fall. "Who?"

"The guy you're gonna meet."

"Michelle, please. Look, um, it's starting to rain. So I think I gotta go now. I want you to kiss the belly for me alright?"

"Uh, Ser I-"

"Bye bye!" Click.

Michelle turned to Amara. "Can you star 69 Italy?"

"No," said Amara, shaking her head.

"Well, I'm gonna try." She punched in the numbers and waited. "Hello?"

* * *

Serena ran as fast as she could to Bramasole. She reached the door and fumbled with her key for several moments before finally entering her house. She slammed the door behind her and switched on the lights which flickered on and off for a short while before going out. She counted the time between the thunder claps and lightening strikes. 

"One one thousand. Two-" CRASH! Serena screamed. "Crap!"

She fearfully hummed to herself as she shakily lit a candle. She dropped about ten matches as she tried to gab one from the matchbox. She hummed louder to herself. The window let in large clusters of tree leaves as the candle wick caught the flame. She ran over and looked out the window where she saw large branches of lightening strike the valleys of Tuscany, then ran back into the middle of the room when one hit the roof. She ran to the stairs sliding on news papers the lay scattered by the wind. The bedroom looked like a mess: leaves were blown in by the wind and the floor was slippery from rain. Serena hurried to close the windows but abandoned her efforts when she saw the our door washing machine get struck by lightening where it was then lifted of the ground then released to crash down the side of a cliff.

Serena jumped into the bed and covered her head with the blankets. She heard something screech somewhere in the room. She whipped the covers off of head and looked around letting her eyes adjust to the darkness. She saw a white owl perched on the backrest of a chair next to her bed.

"Oh my God. Oh my God," she said to no one. She looked the bird in the eye. "You're gonna be okay. You're safe here. Just... don't fly around okay? You freak me out!" Serena whimpered to the bird. She looked up at the head board and saw the Virgin Mary smile down at her. Serena lay a hand on the portrait and lay her face in her other hand where she tried to calm her heavy breathing.

* * *

The next day was ironically calm. The birds were chirping and the sun was shining like noting had happened. 

"Senora? Senora Tsukino?" asked Senior Martini. Serena opened her eyes to find she had slept through the rest of the storm. She looked over to him. "Bon journo. I see you have survived the storm.

Serena felt herself to make sure she was in one piece. "I'm alive. But, the, uh, the washing machine is dead." Serena looked to where the owl had been. Only a feather remained.

"Yes, the machine was electrocuted. I am glad to see that you are not."

Serena smiled. "You ca- you came to check on me?"

"You are meeting the contractors today and I came to help you. I believe one of them is already here."

"Here?"

"Downstairs."

Serena walked over to the window and pushed away a shutter. Leaning against his orange car was a man dressed in a tan suit. He looked around thirty and appeared to be very good looking.

"Oh. He's here."

"I was hoping to take this wall down and make these two small rooms into one big room." Serena explained to the contractor.

"How wonderful," he replied with a suggestive voice. "You should have been an architect, you have excellent taste."

"So, do you think it can be done?" Serena asked.

He took a step towards Serena so that they were almost touching. Serena took a step back and he took a step forward. "Hidden pipes-one week. Bathrooms- Three days. Senora, give me the keys to this place and in one month I will give you back the keys to you palace." Serena stepped back into a table. She looked to Senior Martini and shook her head. Her luck with contractors would now become very interesting.

* * *

Her luck got better after she had dealt with one contractor who wanted to demolish the house and one who couldn't see worth a flip even with Coke Bottle glasses. Thankfully, one man arrived who knew the chimney already because he'd fixed it once before. 

"Would you like to see the rest of the house?" asked Serena.

"Okay. Yes, yes," replied the man which surprised Serena because she though he only spoke Italian.

Apparently, he did. He only knew Okay and Yes. It turned out that he also had three other workers with him. When he walked up to them they jumped out of the back of the truck. Serena nodded to them as she walked up.

"Halo miss," Said the first one. He was only about eighteen with blonde hair pulled back into a ponytail and spoke with a Polish accent. He looked kind to Serena. "We are not Italian. We are from Polonia."

"Poland. Oh. Do you all speak English?"

"Only me. And only a little. I am Zoicite. (A/N: In the original Japanese version Zoicite in a guy.)"

"Well, Zoicite, nice to meet you," said Serena. She moved on to another man with long white hair. He seemed shy and looked middle aged, but he was very obviously well learned and an intellectual.

"Bon Journo," she greeted.

"Malachite," was all he said. The last worker was a man in what appeared to be his late fifties. He was shaky but had kind eyes.

He took Serena's hand and said "Nephrite."

Serena nodded. "Serena." She walked over to Senior Martini. "What do you think on Nino?" (A/N: Nino is the name of the contractor.)

"I know his mother. If he does a bad job there will be touble"

"Okay." Serena went and stood next to Nino. "Okay. Yes." She said.

"Okay? Yes? Yes, yes," said Nino smiling.

Nino walked into the door way of the wal between the two rooms. He turned and looked at Serena. "Okay......yes."

The workers took to deconstruction the wall. Zoicite turned to Serena. "See Serena? No problem!" Suddenly the wall shook and plaster and brick started to fall.

"Nino?" She looked up at the wall. "Oh God!" She ran out of the house with the others following hot on her trail. Just as they exited the house they were enveloped in a cloud of dust. Coughing as the dust cleared they heard more sounds of things falling. After the dust had finally cleared they were all silent. Nino looked as more things fell. He turned to Serena.

"Okay...yes."


	5. Kurwa Mac, Olives, and Amy

Hey everybody. I know It's been like two years since I've updated. I'm going to finish all my stories and then get a new author name. I'm not into Teen Titans anymore, so those stories might not get finished. Anyway, I'm really ticked that I didn't use the Japanese names in this fic. Re-reading it, I wish I would have. Anyway, here's the next chapter. I'll finish this story before I go to the others, since this was one of my favorites. 

Once again, Serena's thoughts/narrations are in italics.

**_1_** pronounced core-va-match

**_2_** Any conversation between Amy and her father is in Italian.

* * *

Serena and the workers slowly re-entered the house. Ceiling boards, cement blacks, and rubble covered the floor and dust wafted through the air, entering their lungs and raising coughs from the party. Small rocks and soot still fell occasionally from the doorway. Nino crossed himself and Nephrite picked a yellow construction hat out of the wreckage and tipped it over dust cascading from it like a waterfall. Out of nowhere, slowly the men began to laugh.

**_1_**"Kurwa mac!" exclaimed Malachite.

_"Kurwa mac" means "Holy shit!" in Polish. I learned that that day. The fact that I am trying to speak Polish in Italy is just one of the many surprises around here._

They set to work fixing up the house. Zoisite cleaned the ceilings while Serena worked on removing the old, molding tile from the wall above the tub. As Malachite tried to fix the chandelier, something ignited and set a shower of sparks into his face when Serena walked by.

"Is he a licensed electrician?" she whispered to Ziosite.

"No, he's a licensed literature professor." he replied and continued on his way.

"Oh." Serena noticed a book resting under Malachite's wrench. She picked it up and held it up. "Cheslaw Milosz." she said motioning to the authors name. Malachite turned to her. "I like him. Cheslaw Milosz." Malachite gave a disinterested look and returned to his work. Serena sighed and set the book back down.

_It is only natural getting to know people should take some time. Everyday, I watch the old man with the flowers…_

He came everyday, the man with the flowers, and set the flowers in a vase next to picture that was set into the wall.

_… and I wonder. Was he born here? Did he love someone here? Did he lose someone here?_

The man looked up at Serena standing on her balcony. She waved and smiled at him. To her disappointment, he only walked away without any acknowledgment.

_He doesn't seem as curious about me, but that's alright. These days, I'm something of a loner myself._

Serena sat at a small table in her backyard with a bottle of wine and a glass. She kept opening and closing each eye alternatively, making the bottle jump back and forth, left and right, in her vision.

_I'm pretty good at staying entertained. Mostly, I like to hang out at a little bar I know, conveniently located in my backyard. Fortunately, there are some things here you just **can't** do alone. It's my neighbor Placido who's teaching me about olives…_

"Today is okay." Placido said, pointing a finger at Serena. They were both on ladders in the olive trees picked the rip olives and tossing them to the nets below. "But never pick when is wet, huh?"

Serena nodded. "These look good." she said fingering on of the olives. She plucked it off the branch and popped it in her mouth. Immediately, she made a face and spit it back out, the bitterness of the olive racing through her mouth. "O-oh! Oh my God!"

**_2_**"Papa!" called Placido's daughter Amy.

"Si!"

"I'm finished!"

"Good. Gather up the net!"

Amy smiled. "Okay." She tucked a strand of her blue hair behind her ear and began to shake the olives toward the middle, taking up the edges. Suddenly, she bumped into Zoisite who was also gathering up the net. Their eyes met, leaving them staring in awe at each other. Zoisite smiled stupidly.

"Amy!" Placido called.

Amy snapped out of her trance and looked up at her father. "Si?"

"Go and see if Gianni needs some help."

Amy nodded. "Okay." She flashed a smile at Zoisite then took off running to help Gianni.

Serena straightened up trying to see Zoisite's reaction. Her ladder tipped to the side, nearly throwing her off.

"Oops!" A man with dark hair and handsome smile grabbed the bottom of her ladder, stabilizing her. "Everything okay?"

Serena smiled, relieved. "Si. Grazie."

"Serena," Placido began. "Are you busy tonight?"

"No." Serena shook her head.

"Then come to dinner with my friends and family. It is unhealthy to eat alone."

Serena agreed, wondering if her dark haired savior would be there to.


	6. Dinner, Fefe, and the Snake

Disclaimer: I don't own Under the Tuscan Sun or Sailor Moon. Sorry I forgot the disclaimer a few times.

* * *

He was, and she was seated right beside him. Close enough to smell his Drakkar Noir. He flirted with seductively, by swiping some oil from the oil bottle across his bottom lip. Serena raised her eyebrows, surprised. Around them the family spoke in quick, fluent Italian and exchanged inside jokes. Serena had a hard time keeping up. All of a sudden, Placido's mother burst into tears.

"Stop it, Mama. It is embarrassing." Placido hissed in Italian.

"Is she okay?" Serena asked, slightly concerned.

"Of course she's fine." replied Placido's wife. She turned to the elderly woman. "Mama, that's enough!"

"My granny's very sensitive." explained Amy. "She cries all day."

"I see…" Serena said. She picked up her glass and raised it. "Are we celebrating anything in particular tonight?"

A female voice from behind answered her with great enthusiasm. "Gratitude to the gods for saving us from droughts, mad dogs, and glandular disorders." The table laughed and Serena turned to see the blonde from her first day in Tuscany. The very same one that had convinced her to buy Bramasole! "Good evening everybody! Sorry I'm late!"

Placido's wife rushed to the blonde smiling, and exchanged cheek kisses with her. "Mina! Hand me your hat."

"Do you like it?" Mina asked. Serena smiled. How ironic to run into the mysterious woman here!

After Mina had been seated, she turned the conversation towards Serena. "I suppose it wasn't a terrible idea at all buying a villa in Tuscany." she said. "Are you up there all alone? No lord and master, no consort?"

"No." Serena chuckled at how pathetic she must have sounded. "Do you have one?"

"One! Ha!" Mina exclaimed. Apparently the idea of her having only one man in her life was absurd. Immediately, Placido's grandmother burst into tears all over again, mourning in mumbled Italian.

Amy rolled her eyes and rubbed her temples. "I knew this would happen. Remember?" she said to her mother.

"Don't blame me! I told your father not to get her that computer."

"She got an email lover, you see, from Ecuador." Placido explained. "Finally, she had to tell him… her age." Serena nodded. Her dark haired Savior nodded too, but was still staring at Serena, who didn't seem to notice. "And now…"

"No mail!" shouted the old woman. "NO MAIL!"

"Oh, you had it coming." Placido scolded.

"You're wrong." she protested. "I hurt in my heart! Even though I am old, my heart still aches."

"I'm so sorry." Serena sympathized. Mina put on an understanding look and patted the old woman's arm.

The dark-haired savior brushed Serena's Arm. "L'amore."

"Si." Serena replied.

He asked her a question in Italian. "Si," she replied. He furrowed his brow. And asked again. And again, she insisted "Si."

"Celibe?" he asked.

"Celibe… celibate?" she questioned. Was he asking her if she was having sex?

"Yes, yes."

"Celibate!" It was a surprising question but… "No, I mean…A-ha-ha-ha! Well, I have to admit, it HAS been a while…"

Mina leaned over. "'Celibe' in Italian means 'single'. He's not asking when you last had sex, he's asking whether or not you're married." she said matter-of-factly.

"Oh…" Serena whispered, embarrassed. "Thank you." She turned to him. "No, I'm not."

The woman who had recently been serving the food came and wrapped her arms around his neck. "Everything all right darling?"

"Oh, terrific. I'm just eating."

Mina nodded in his direction. "He is."

Serena was silent for a moment. "OhmyGod." Then she finished her entire glass of wine in one gulp.

xxxXXXxxx

Later that night, Mina and Serena went on a walk through the streets of Italy.

"Oh, I feel like such an idiot!" Serena whined.

"Don't. Flirting is a ritual in Italy! Just enjoy it!" Mina said taking another bite of her chocolate ice cream cone. "Mmm! Taste this! It's gorgeous."

Serena took a bite. "Mmm!" Mina placed an arm around her shoulders and the women began to walk again. Serena sighed. "How do you do it?"

"Do what?"

"This!" Serena motioned to Mina's outfit, but also meant her personality.

"Well, hats make me happy. And ice cream! You see, ice cream changed my fate! It was because of ice cream that my beloved Fefe discovered me."

Serena gasped. "Fellini!"

Mina nodded, the chuckled. "He discovered me in the Piazza Novena, with my parents, eating an ice cream! I was gobbling it down, letting it dribble all over my chin because I was very hungry. 'Do you like ice cream?' he asked me. I didn't know who he was! I was 16. 'You are my imagination come to life' he told me. He wasn't just a great director, he gave great advice." That last bit Mina pointed at Serena.

Serena sighed. "I'm listening."

"Fefe said you have to live spherically--in many directions, never lose your childish enthusiasm, and things will come your way!"

xxxXXXxxx

_So now I was getting posthumousadvice from'Fefe', and I tried to follow it today by pulling ivy, spherically and with childish enthusiasm…_

Serena hacked and pulled and chopped at the thick ivy growing up the side of her villa. Suddenly, a movement underneath it caused her blood to run cold. There was a huge snake under the ivy! She watched in horror as it slithered into her house, and she lost sight of it.

This. Was. Not. Good!


End file.
